♥ Be Happy

Tuesday, August 19, 2008 Y 8:43 AM

19 Aug 2008 :

Yesterday night , dar told me about his thoughts and it was obvious he wanted a break up. His reasons were to concentrate on his exams and he said he isn't good enough for me. I hate that. Why does the break up reason have to be that .. why do my ex-es always say the same thing .. ' I'm not good enough for u ' .. zzzz .. Is that the reason just because you wanted to leave .. He says he needs time to think it over , but from my point of view , we were close to breaking up. I feel that he will.

I don't want to admit the fact I think he doesn't love me as much. Perhaps he isn't serious.

I'm at a loss. I have no idea what to do. I could see that he doesn't want to overcome those obstacles with me, instead he chooses to avoid. 是我爱错了人了吗？也许我不应该选择他，一开始就不应该。I chose not to listen to the advice of others, I chose to be with him. And now that things turned out like this, I only have my dumb self to blame. I got no idea what to do now. All i know is .. I won't be myself. Perhaps I would stone somewhere in school.

Yesterday, thankfully zip and Amy was on msn with me when these things happened. Shanlyn was worried so she gave me a call to ask what happen and make sure I'm alright despite she has work early next morning. 我很感动，thanks for all these you've done ever since I know you. You'll always be my true friend.

SHAN! Zip also had to work next morning but he chatted with me, thanks (: . Amy on the other hand offered advices and help. 谢谢！你们3个镇的很棒！

I have no idea what to do. I know I said it quite a few times already. Zip said he is interested in me.

Was kinda surprised he said that because i lost touch with him for 2 years. And what shocked me was he was already interested 2 months ago but I'm in an relationship. Hais

I'm confused. I know it's better for me if we break but I still love him. I asked him if I'm important to him yesterday on msn, he said yes. I asked him if he love me, he said yes. But when I asked him he wouldn't want to lose me right, he said I don't know. Hais. I'm suffering in pain right now. What pains me the most isn't because he wanted a break up, but because he didn't even try to overcome obstacles. He's avoiding. That shows how " important" I'm to him doesn't it ?

If he really loves me, things wouldn't be like that. Though I mind the fact he can't send me home every time we go out but I understand it's because of curfew and it's also too late. I didn't blame him. Those sacrifices I made exchanged for so much pain. Perhaps I shouldn't be so dumb again anymore. I should just shut myself from reality. I'm yearning to be in coma, I'll never want to wake. I'm yearning to be dead so I'll never be a burden, I'll never need to endure these pain.

The only one who can make me smile isn't here for me. 我的人生只有两个字，“悲哀”。

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Monday, August 18, 2008 Y 7:03 PM

18 Aug 2008 :

Hmms .. couldnt stop smiling on the way to school today . hahas . okays , a bit sot . haha .. (: Well , school was fine but I felt demoralized because for ' drawing & compo ' module , which is my lousiest , i had difficulty in the toning part for still - life . hais . After school ( my lesson ends at 1pm for momday ( sem 1 ) , I accompanied Eleanor to Art Friends to get some stuff we needed for some modules .

I arranged to meet bear at 2pm and it was still early so waited at the bus stop outside bugis for him . He was late .

Well , I had trouble taking photos with the theme ' spicy ' . There are things i wanted to take photo of , but taking of photo of their products aren't allowed for all shops probably because they were afraid of imitation. That makes it harder for me to complete this assignment . I ran out of ideas what to take that has got to do with spicy. I was practically spouting nonsense, asking bear if it's linked with spicy. Met Spencer at level 1 some where near the escalator, waved hi back to him .

I saw wardah at level 2 too, she was with her friend but didn't managed to say hi as she had already walked past me .

Was supposed to meet mum after her check-up but she said she wanted to postpone it to wednesday instead . And she didn't even bother to let me know .

Bleahs, fortunately I called her to ask. So bear sent me home after that . Oh ya, almost forget . We went Aijitei to eat and I took some pics of myself there . =P Uploaded 2 in friendster. ^^ "

tired . Got disappointed again . But can't blame him . hais .. All I can do is be understanding . I shouldnt expect much anymore. Actually, I dont really have the mood to blog . Sweet dreams.

❤ ileana .

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Saturday, August 16, 2008 Y 2:07 PM

16 Aug 2008 :

Arranged to meet dar today, 可是他 last min sms 我，说他发高烧 38.9 degrees .. 不能 meet 我了。因为，他昨天在太阳高照的时候玩羽毛球。 -.-" 我真的很失望，原以为能 meet 到他了。 Hais .. it's always like that. I don't know how long more can i hold those disappointments, 因为我累了.. 我开始有了一个人的念头。我伸出了手，他却没有抓紧，让我掉下悬崖。

Even the heaven's making fun of me . It's raining . Even if dar isn't sick , he would also say, raining.. can't meet le . Hais . I left 10% of trust in relationships and guys right now .

No one's free to meet me . Can't take the 10 spicy pics . Sighs, I'm feeling real lousy . It's raining now and I'm feeling sleepy

! Shall go nap, homework later then see how =X ! hahas. Cyas , blog later.

❤ ileana `

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Thursday, August 14, 2008 Y 8:29 PM

14 Aug 2008 :

Bleahs ! Didn't sleep well.

Got bullied by hamster. =( ! Didn't sleep well because I was worried all night about the hamster. Worried it will escape out of the wired cage.

I know you will think i'm silly. But hamsters and rats same arhs, they have the ability to squeeze through small corners or edges you think they wont be able to . 不要小看它们！Hahas.

Anyway, I managed to wake earlier than usual .. hahas .. Took a look at my hamster the first thing in the morning. Hmms, Sabrina told me my 黑眼圈很深..

I also know, but the problem is that I don't know how to get rid of it .

Hmm .. I score 67 / 100 for my 'pop-up' assignment . Thats part 1 , there's still a finishing one to do . Then lecturer will avg both . (: Hais , Relieved I managed to past . Cause I kinda screw it up in the end at class..

Hais .. stress arhs .. so many homework to be done . zzz ..

1. 3 A4 still-life drawings + 1 A3 Still life drawing.
2. 10 photos ( to b taken myself ) to bring out the theme ' spicy '. Print it out to 4R.
3. Finishing Work for Pop-up .

Hais. tired. very tired. =( ! Sian, tml still need go granny place. nothing much to do there de norhs, apart from stoning and eating. hahas

! As soon as I got home, I was busy with my hamster. Want to know something ? I don't know my hamster's gender..

Bleahs, wasted loads of time and effort trying to find out my hamster's gender. =.=" In the end , its a male. lol . =X ! HAIS! TIRED! T____T I want to sleeeeeepppp ~ =3 ~ Tml's gonna be a long day .. =( ! Stop blogging le . Cyas .

❤ iLeana `

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Y 11:50 AM

13 Aug 2008 :

sobs .. Had Design Elements lesson today .. hehes .. was pretty excited cause after that I meeting Bear to get hamster !

! Yipees ~ Today no need stay back to do assignments . wan sui !

! Hmms , but Sabrina havent complete .. so she had to finish it and pass it to the lecturer .. who claims he will leave a box outside for her to put the assignment in . =.=" BUT HE DIDNT ! kns .. den we waited for him norhs .. for 2 hours .. We decided not to wait anymore , so we tried asking other lecturers to leave it on his table for her . The first lecturer claimed that they WEREN'T allowed to do that . wth .. Then if the lecturer come back 5 hrs later we have to wait 5 hrs ? Dumb norhs . zzz . We were lucky the second lecturer helped us . (: ! Finally get to go home . LOL ! And .. yeahs .. I was so bored during the 2 hours i played my mobile game.

Hmms .. Upon reaching home, I tried to finish my ' pop up ' assignment for 3D studies . Bleahs .. Cause gonna meet Bear in the evening and by the time i reach home .. its 3 plus liaos . x.x" Arghs , It was tough trying to get the right angles to take a picture our 3D studies teacher wanted . -.- Anyways , i took quite a few but seriously I dont think its of standard . =3 ! Hahas .. Bear was ready to leave house le so I didnt have time to finish it . I printed the pictures and cut them . Thats all I did and left it somewhere for safe keeping it case I lose it.. =.=

Duhs , took train norhs , to meet Bear .. Met at Outram mrt .. hees . ^^V ! I was like so dead nahs, cause very tired . -.- hmms .. After I got to meet Bear , we went to have our dinner .. at Terra .. -.- hahas .. No mushroom soup ! Sobs .. =( ! I ordered Tom Yam Seafood Noodle Soup .. Honey milk tea and Tiramisu .. duhs .. not really nice

! I think their soup's nice. Drinks , totally yucks -.- .. But their Ice lemon Tea is drinkable

! okays okays , I sound bad . >.<"

I was uncertain if I should get a hamster a not .. well , because I know my mum would be unhappy about it . But I really want one .. It's so adorable !

! Especially the pearl winter white .. :D ! Hees ! In the end, I bought . Duhs .. Here's the price .. =O !

- Pearl Winter White Hamster x1 - $18

- Hamster Cage ( double storey ) With Water Feeder and Wheel - $37.90 ( O_O" )

- Hamster bedding & Hamster Bath Sand - $5 each ( round up )

- Hamster Bath Container - $7

- Hamster Food ( recommended ) - $6-7.

Total I paid $79 inclusive of discount . ^^" Hmms , not cheap eh .. but very cuteeee ! >w< ! Hees .. Fat Fat de ! XD ! Shall find a chance and take pic of it . (: After that, we proceeded home .. Bear send me home by taxi .. We didnt go to the taxi stand .. since its packed with people and there were no cabs in sight . The ppl in the queue were impatient . What we noticed was that quite a number of people were not in queue , they called for taxi .. =.= .. We walked to the main road .. trying our luck to get a cab .. Hmms .. no cab in sight . -.- Wonder whats wrong . =3

Not long later , A group of 3 .. consisting of 1 guy 2 ladies .. from china obviously from their accent .. cut our queue .. Wth lor . We came first , and they treated us like we were transparent , going infront of us to wait , wanting to flag a cab. I got angry , pulled Bear and walked further up .. Finally reached the taxi stand .. But when I turn back , zzz .. there they were .. they followed us .. -.- Whats more infuriating was that they got infront of us .. tryign to hail a cab .. when we finally spotted a cab .. who was willing to fetch passengers .. the taxi driver chose them instead of us . Its like wth lor .. we got htere first .. They really too much lor .. SG also got rules and manners what .. Kns .. Cut our queue snatch our cab still like they right .

.. feel like scolding vulgarities.. -.- But nvm .. cannot

! Hahas ..

When I reached home , mum got angry . She had a bad day at work , and I felt like she vented her anger on me .

She got mad at me for having hamsters ..

! Hais .. poor me lor .. bo bian .. =( ! Hmms , then got busy with setting up the cage for the hamster . ^^ Haven't decided on a name for it yet. =P ! Off to bed (:

❤ ileana `

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Tuesday, August 12, 2008 Y 12:25 PM

11 Aug 2008:

Forced myself to wake up for school today . Well , ITEs, Sec & Pri schools and JCs don't need to go school today , they consider it public or school holiday ! But For us and those working , its not . T____T" bleahhs .. sians lor . As usual .. homework .. =( ! Need to draw still-life.

Hmms, after school I went home together with Sabrina ( she stays in Bedok ) .. hehes . Bought Ramen at Aijisan (TM) .

WOW ! Guess what , theres like a hell load of people queuing up to get movie tickets . =.=" The queue very long norhs .. up to pasta mania there . -.- After I bought my lunch, I continued my journey home. Bought Papaya milk from sweet talk on the way.

! Hees . =x

But after i reached home , I didn't much . I finished up the Edamame and part of the ramen and then went to take a nap . I was really tired . Almost late by the time i woke up .. ( in shock ) .. hahas . Rushed to Toa Payoh Central to meet Shanlyn, HuiNee and Goey Aeng via Cab . =3 ! Hmms, waited for them for quite some time at the taxi stand . Got a bit impatient cause just beisde they had the ' Getai ' .. They were getting ready so no performance yet. They burn those stuffs which makes me find it difficult to breathe .

After I met them, we took a cab to Mediacorp. =O ! It's my first time there . Hehes, wasn't really what I expected. I thought it would be really big but its small .. compared to what i thought it would be. And we had to walk many stairs .. through carpark ..

-.-" bleahs , tiring . We were also forbidden to eat and take photos . They said the flash would disrupt them. =( !

Hais .. The Studio Crew was quite funny . Hahas . Watching backstage is fun too. =P ! Hmms, ate prata with Nee, Shan and Aeng . (: ! But the prata was too oily for my liking though i can say it doesn't taste bad . Hahas . We chat while we ate , I had an enjoyable day with them . (: I took a cab home with Shan , sharing the cab costs. hees .

=x
Hais , i don't know whats wrong with dear . He's still kinda weird . He doesn't want to tell me whats wrong between his mum and him . All i know after continuous asking is that he had a " big " quarrel with his mum. His mum then , forbid him to use the phone so he cant chat with me .

Plus he recently like kinda cold towards me . Always busy with his stuff . Can't blame him though , its not his fault . It's his exams period now .

Hais , really miss him . But he's like so cold towards me . =( !

Bleahs , recently im addicted into mobile games. =X ! Hehes . Tired , so many school work .. T__T" kays la . I stop blogging lors .

`❤ iLeana

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