♥ Be Happy

Thursday, May 28, 2009 Y 3:37 PM

28o5o9:

What more can I say ? We still can't get in contact with her. But we have news of her. Not from the police. At first, we were told she's in singapore hiding. We were puzzled why she had to do that. But her ex's mum told us before we knew she was hiding that she did a lot of bad things. She refused to divulge any further. Frustrated yet relieved. At least, she's fine. But, today.. i was told.. she's back in Aust. Like, WTH? Didn't the police do anything ?! ZZZ. If she is hiding because she have no money to pay and is raising the money, why does she have the money to fly back to Aust? Something is damn not right.

I'm tired. She's already 27 and she's like a kid. WTH is in her brain? She thinks she's smart? WTH is she trying to do? What more can I say? I dont think she fits to be my sister. Definitely not my elder sister. She used to. But not anymore. I am angry at her. For her mistakes, again and again without thinking back, without reflecting on her mistakes. She thinks she's the victim. Is she? What more is she hiding from the family. Many more. Suddenly, she feels like a stranger. Someone I don't know. I don't seem to know her nor understand her. She keeps things from the family yet others know much more than we do.

Are we still counted as her family? Why is she doing this to us? Making the family worried, especially my parents who have to work. They are worried for her all the time. I'm worried if they get careless and accidents happen. I dont want that. WTF is she thinking of ? Sighs..

It hurts me, when my mum told me, she felt she couldn't trust my sister anymore. My sister used to be her pillar.. the only pillar. I was nothing. Pretty much better of if they didn't have me. But now, she's relying on me. I should be happy, if this was what my mum told me in the past, but now.. it hurts and feel so heavy. It hurts. Words can't describe what im going through.

I pretend to be alright days by days, but im not. I know it, deep down im struggling, breaking down.. into pieces. Where is she? What has become of her? I really don't know.

Where is my sister? What has become of her? What happened to her?
I know, the family would help. But she wouldn't come back.
She hasn't realised the many mistakes she made.
Disappointment and pain is tearing me apart.

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Monday, May 11, 2009 Y 1:35 PM

11o5o9:

When to school today to see Miguel, cos that day I never hand up my Printmaking portfilo.. He told the class that day when they were having accessment that he would see me today at 10am at the fine arts office at lvl 4 wing B. So, tadah, i went and reached early. I waited and waited but he wasn't there. I've tried dialing few times but it was of no use. He wasn't in his office. I sat outside his office with my A2 size portfilo. BLEH ! So awkward lor. Lecturers when in and out of the office, students went in to get their western painting stuff.. They were all puzzled why I sat there so long.

Few lecturers asked, and I told dem i was waiting for Miguel. Hais. I waited for 1 hour plus before he arrived. Meanwhile, I smsed to cure boredom. At first, I thought there might be a SLIGHT possibilty wanru they all prank me, but i thought it wasn't quite possible cos I believe they won't joke on such a matter. No matter what, I continued waiting, hoping he would reach soon. Bleh. When I finally heard his voice, I was relieved. But it is when i saw him that changes the matter. He questioned me why did i not bring the portfilo during the accessment and I told him I forgot about it. I knew it through my classmate on the day he told dem but forgot about it as I was busy with ISP. I knew it was my fault. So I kept quiet. But he lectured me, not too fierce, yeaps. I think he can feel I very fragile so if he is fierce I cfm T-T. LOL.

Yeah, so I showed him my work and before that he did say the most I could get is either D or E. But wanru told me he said he won't fail me. Phews ! Heng ! Hehe ! But i'm still upset cos though I didnt fail, its a low grade. I felt that I've disappointed my mum. *pouts* Hais..I rushed home and rest awhile then went to meet Kaiern and Alvin. They wanted to Lan. We couldn't decide on a place. At first it was bunk, so i told the cabbie uncle bunk, then just as I was about to reach, we changed destination to Cyrus.Bleahs. I don't really know the exact location of Cyrus.. so i told the cabbie uncle near Great World City but not there. He's malay so i couldn't possibly tell him the famous ' Wen Dong Ji ' chicken rice. haha. He turned the wrong direction so we had to go one round again before i reach. Ern and Alvin wasn't there yet so I stood and waited outside. I was hungry, so i went to the 7-11 nearby to get some snacks.

Waited quite long but they weren't here yet. When they finally were, they were a little drenched due to the rain. We went in and yeaps.. maple lor. what else. haha . But it was pure boredom so I multi-tasked by blogging and playing Restaurant City on facebook. BOOHOOS ! I wanted to train my priest but theres no sponser neh. bleah. Gonna go kbox later with Aaron, Mel and Elvin. =). Hope I'll feel better. I'm still worried about her. She didn't cor ytd to wish mum Happy Mothers Day. I made a fruits basket for granny ytd and they praised me for being practical. HAHA. Potted plant in the basket. =p. Aunt Doreen said they shall not get bouquet of flowers next time cos its a waste of money and its expensive. Hais.

It was terrible. Having to hide from my relatives and esp my grandma the fact that my sister was lost. I've never thought that would happen. My sister, lost. what has become of her? Has she become bewitched by that guy? I can't help but think about it. Its like stuck in my mind.There is still no news for her.

Aaron say later 7-12 midnight kbox. But i don't know how to go home. so late de. no bus le leis.. bleahs. I have no idea what to do atm . O.O kinda bored in lan. Sleepy too. Chair too comfy. Haha ! Shall stop here first.

Sincerely,
Ileana

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Friday, May 8, 2009 Y 10:53 PM

I like it a lot. The lyrics are good.

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Y 10:06 PM

o8o5o9:

Hais. Accessment today. But, I wasn't in mood. Upon reaching, I only realised I've totally forgotten about the Printmaking accessment today. ZZZZ! Screwed. -.- Hais. Seriously like down on luck lor. Just nice mum had to go to HQ early today. Den I spammed dad's hp and hse fone but no answer. I was like so down. Den, at 9.57am, dad called back using hse fone. WIN LOR. 3 mins before 10 cor back. 10am accessment lor. fly oso cannot reach in time la. TAMP to BUGIS sia. kns. hais. blame myself so forgetful. can't seem to remember things. problem with my memory.

我开始厌倦了，不过我不知道该如何开口。我该怎么办？他对我真的很好。我很内疚。不过，我似乎已经对他没有感觉。也许伤的太深，想补救也已经太晚了。他告诉我我睡觉时，又挣扎等等。我知道为什么。不过，不能说。我只能说，太笨，太天真了。我也发现，最近，嗨，算了。别说好了。

I can only keep the pain to myself. Many things have been bugging me. I'm still worried about my sis. The police still have no further info about her. weird. I thought they would find her fast. While I was sleeping, the police called. This time from Changi Airport. -.-. He asked me for details about sis. His tone at the end was somehow suspicious, like he thinks some thing is wrong with sis. Hais. 姐姐不见了。我很担心。真的。无时无刻都在想着他会在那里。我累了，我还能撑多久？我已经开始一直感到不适。Recently I was even diagnosed HeartBurn. It's a torture. I was restricted in many areas, like food and supper. Hais. 没心情。

不说了，Today is the last day with my classmates. 有点不舍得。Everyone was busy taking photos but seriously, I dont have the mood to do so. So I only took 3 group pics bahs, whole class de. End here le.

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Wednesday, May 6, 2009 Y 11:47 PM

o6o5o9 :

I didn't sleep yesterday night. I was busy rushing my ISP. I only got to sleep in the noon for 1 hour plus.

Rushed to school via Cab. Due to swine flu, we had to take temperature at the lobby. I understand its for safety precautions but I kinda hate it. We can only use Wing A's lifts so it's kinda packed as everyone is going to their respective classroom to submit their ISP stuff. When I got to the classroom, we had to fill up a form before we could place our things in the classroom. I didn't bring my stationaries so I had to borrrow from Serena. Hehe. She's kind. =p

After I submit my ISP stuff, I rushed off to meet Mel. We ate Curry Chicken Rice again. My fav ! YAY ! Then we walked to Cityhall.

I was having headache. Sharp pain from both sides. It made me nausea too.

We went to Marina Square and shopped around. Hees! As usual, I would go to the arcade too. I saw this Stitch plush ! I really wanted it very much. Theres another red one too. I dont know the name of it though. Hais. Couldn't get it. There's the Cinamoroll plush beside and I decided to try my luck but, can't get it too. I was aiming for the one holding a clover with a ladybug. Super cute nor! 我要我要我要！

We walked to Suntec City too. We went to the Pets Village at the Basement. I would always go there whenever I go Suntec. Usually. I want to get a Robovski ! It's $25 there, $2 more compared to Pet Lovers Centre but I noticed that the hamsters there seems healthier. I used to get my hamsters from Pet Lovers Centre but they don't seem to last. Sighs..

We went to feed the Kois, something I like to do. Hees. After that, we went to the Arcade. YAY! I saw the same Stitch plush and tried my luck. Almost got it few times. Bleah ! I really want it. I still have no news of Sis yet from the police.

I was really down, emo because I couldn't get the Stitch plush couple. Mel asked why I was emo but I didn't tell him. I took cab home as I didn't have the strength to stand throughout from Cityhall to Tampines in the MRT.

My HP was flat in the evening so as soon as I reach home i charged my HP. I received an sms from Sheyla conveying a message from Mr Cheong Wee Kiat that I am supposed to meet him tml morning at B3-01 to show him my research and workbook. I was puzzled and worried. I had already submitted my ISP stuff. How am I supposed to show him? I added Sheyla on msn and asked her for more details. Through GuoFeng, who was also in the same situation as me I got to know that we are supposed to be there at 8.30am. Sheyla told him that maybe the he would let us in and get us to show him the stuff.

No choice. If don't show him tml, we'll not get our 30%. He'll give us a 0.

Oh well, got to wake up early tommorrow. Nights. =) !

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Sunday, May 3, 2009 Y 8:00 PM

o3o5o9:

I was still sleeping soundly on the bed when its already in the noon. I slept only at 7plus to 8am in the morning. Aaron woke me up, saying we were to go to the police station. I was still in 'sleep mode'. In fact, I was worn out. I still have quite a lot of things left undone for my ISP. Gotta rush them.

But anyway, back to what I was saying.. We were supposed to go to the station to lodge a report as my we had no news of my sister since 19 March 2009 12midnight. Ever since she knew the guy, she changed. She was never like this. Initially, we thought she was furious at my mum for not sending her the large sum of money to settle all stuff at Aust so she could come over to Singapore. But as days passed, we got worried. We ( Mel, Aaron & Me ) suggested my mum to contact Jonan ( my sis's ex ), to see if we could get hold of any news of my sister. But his mum refused to give us his contact. She even said bad things about my sis that shocked us. We weren't sure if it is true. But it shocked me. Part of what she said was true, I knew it. I noticed her change after she came back to Singapore. She became materialistic. She was never into branded goods. But i noticed, during her stay in Singapore, that she was pretty much obsessed with branded stuff and even places that were of more "class". Places with aircon etc. I was shocked that she even have a large pouch for bath. In it, there were branded products for bath. For example, Hugo Boss etc. She even spent money like water.

As compared to the past, she was definitely a changed person. She used to be fillial. She would report to my mum her safety often. But, it's been months. She hasn't even contacted us. We are worried. Would some mishap have happened to her? If it is on purpose, there's nothing I can say. I would be totally disappointed. Aaron wanted to go Storm so we accompanied him to Century Square. Mum wanted to come along too. While mum was banking money, I received a call from the Police. He talked to my mum. When he hanged, I asked mum for details. They checked that Sis is in Singapore and hasn't gone out of Singapore yet. They would notify us when they have more details. They would be tracking her source of income too. Hah .. She's back in Singapore. Why the hell is she doing this ? I suppose I don't even need to say much. She doesn't even treat us as her family. Has she reflected on her own doings? She has no right, to blame mum. And I said, NO RIGHT! She has been asking mum for money, ever since she flew to Aust to study 5-6 years ago. It ain't some small sum. It totals up to at least 2OOk.

I know she's angry at mum for not agreeing to give her the money to settle her stuff in Aust. But did she put herself in mum's shoes? It's not a small sum of money. Asking for 8K Aust money. Think for yourself how much it would be in SGD. She has drained my mum's money and now what ? Kick her aside? Don't give me some fucking excuses.

There is no reason she should treat mum like this. From the start, she is at fault. She's coming back because she wants to be with the guy. How many times has mum asked her to come back to Singapore and get a job here. It aches me to think how mum asked her. I could feel how sad mum was. Everytime she flies back to Aust, Mum would cry till her eyes were red and swollen. I kept quiet, I pretended it wasn't some big deal, but its aching me.

Even if she needed the money, she should give mum some time to get her the money. She should ask mum politely. Not fucking hang up the damn phone on her claiming we dont give a damn about her. WTF kind of attitude is that?

I might not be fillial I would admit, but I would never treat mum like she did. I would never MIA on mum. We were told she borrowed money from others by telling others my dad's retrenched. WTF? I don't know if its true, but if it is. Screw her. She isn't the sis i know anymore. She hurt my parents more than she could ever ever repay. All these years of her fillial piety has gone down the hell. Why? Why did she come back and not let us know. We are afraid something might happen to her.

Thats Her.

Wayne Lim ( My Sis's current bf ), My Sis - from left to right

To anyone who reads this, I'm pleading you, if you ever see her in the streets.. inform me. She is estimated to be about 5x kg & 16+ in height.Thank You.

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Y 4:06 AM

o3o5o9:

Aaron and Melvin stayed over at my place. It was a rare occasion as my family never liked visitors.

Initially, they helped me with school stuff, but later, as we got wear out, we decided to go out and go somewhere nearby to get some snacks.

Downstairs my block, as we walked, we discovered that the sky was dark, it was going to rain soon.

We prayed again and again for the rain to hold on till we get back home.

We ran. I couldn't remember when was the last time I ran. But I had no choice. I was afraid I would get drenched.

I didn't care that much. When we reached Starbucks at Tampines Mall, we thought it was open. But nope, it wasn't 24 hours. There were staff inside, preparing to close for the day. Disappointed, we decided to try Macdonalds nearby. It was close too. Another disappointment. Wasn't Mac supposed to be 24 hours ?

We had no choice then. The nearest 24 hour store we could find was Cheers which was right opposite Macdonalds. We had no idea what we should get, especially me.

We walked around the store for quite some time not knowing what to get. I notice that the shop tenders were worried we would rob their cashiers or were up to no good.

I notice him being wary. We then decided to see if there were any other 24 hours shop around, perhaps Tampines 1. But to our disappointment, no there wasn't any. Pathetic. Sighs !

We had no choice but to go back to Cheers and buy stuff. We could have dialed for Mac but we would have to wait. Aaron said at night we would have to wait longer for delivery.

In the end, we bought snacks and some drinks. We then discovered that there was a Mac near the interchange that is open 24 hours.

It just happened to slip off my mind. Damn ! As we walked back home, after getting my ice latte, Aaron was kidding that wind would blow soon followed by heavy shower. Ouch ! Guess what ? The moment he said rain, right just at the moment, it rained, heavier as time ticked away. We laughed aloud at what happened and ran for shelter.

As it was a bit of a distance from Tampines Mall to my block, we travelled block to block, looking for cardboard boxes to use as temp shelter. It was my first time. We laughed all the way back home. One of the boxes we picked was huge and rectangular in shape, enough to shelter the 3 of us. We tried to walk in pace together, but it was a little tough. We laughed to our hearts content about what had happened.

I was never so happy before. I have never laughed so hard and much before. This is a memorable part of my life I would never forget. I never regret going out to buy snacks with them today even though it rained heavily.

Though with cardboard boxes, I still got drenched.

They were afraid I would get ill and got me to bath as soon as I got home. Though I kept silent, deep in my heart, I wanted to express my appreciation to them. Because I knew how much they care. They are not just some passer-bys in my life.

With Love,
Ileana

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