♥ Be Happy

Friday, January 30, 2009 Y 5:25 PM

3oo1o9 :

Almost late for skool today. bleahs. I set my alarm clock to wake me at 9am but I manage to wake only at 10am . haha . I took my own sweet time .. as usual , as if I'm still aslp .. Mum was cross with me for dolling up .. wasting my time . She dont see the need of me dolling up. Sighs. Perhaps she don't understand at all. She never did. Or should I say, no one ever does ? You can say I'm vain, if you wish .. but thats not really the point . =) . I doll up only to have some self esteem in me .. or confidence .. which, I never had. No nid to start all over again abt my old grandmother story abt my past .. but yes , that the reason .

Blur, I realised I'm late for skool only when I look at my watch when I was waiting for the train. It was already 11.23am . My class starts at 12noon and I was still at Tamp .. DUHS ! I panicked. My mind was in a whirl, trying to reach for a "rescue plan". I decided to alight at Paya Lebar, killing 2 birds with 1 stone as I could buy cheese pancake at mr bean. Didn't ate anything for breakfast. No need to say, mum was angry at me for not eating before I leave house as she rushed to cook lunch before I go school. Sighs.

Intro to Animation was boring. I tried to keep myself awake by doodling and drawing on my notebook. haha. It was HORRIBLE. Distorted. =.= I noticed wanru borrowed a book from library on animation or manga. Lent from her. Started drawing with reference from the book and it looked much better. =) Hees.

Intro to Video Production was boring as usual. At least, that was what I thought. But lecturer showed us a flim. I had to watch, so as to jot down notes to do a write up on one of the characters. I got engross watching the movie. But I did copy down notes on one of the characters. I chose Clara Lim Shu Fen ( kym ng ) . Haha . I cried lor ! So pai seh ! =( .. I doubt the others cried cause i heard laughters . Hais . And I noticed Im the only one holding tissue. meh ! hmm .. gonna mit dar after skool . heh . =p

Went Lanshop with dar and Aaron. SIAN LOR. Nothing to play. End up playing OZworld ( global ). zzz. An old game I used to play. My first online game. Hehes. I would call it a slacking game. Fishing. haha. There used to be a SG version de, but .. close down le.. cos perhaps not enuff capital or what .. =( ! saddd ...

Dar and aaron played dota . zzz . Sian . Dar bought a fish .. dunno what kind of fish .. he never stops . Always buy fish ._. But, oh well .. that fish cute =X .. when its time for feeding . Haha . Sian . Had to go home myself . Cos dar scared that fishie mati . =X . HAHA ! But on the way to Bugis MRT station, gt a guy looked at me .. den went we wanted to tap our ezlink cards, I noticed he was at the first one lor . Dunno why suddenly he was behind me . I was at the third one . Then when we were at the escalator, when I turned left, I saw him behind me. =.= Dar boarded his train . Just nice in time for him . So I sat down . That guy followed ! He stood near me. Would look at me on and off . I was afraid so I smsed dar. But luckily he went off le . Hehe.

Tired. Tml morning still gtg temple to bai TaiSui. ZZZ. Bad mood nor. I always do when I go home or is at home. I felt sis was rude to me. She wanted to tell me I have to go temple to pray tml (sat), which I already knew. I kept quiet. Then she shouted at me. Calling my FULL NAME. I'm like, black face lor. KNS. I dont understand why she can attitude me.. can be rude to me etc .. but I cant. WTH ? zzz . Bad mood. Kay la. End here le. =) Long winded post.

I cut down le hor ! :X

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Monday, January 19, 2009 Y 10:22 AM

19o1o9 :

其实，
我还爱着他。
从我认识他的那一天起，
我从没放弃.. 290784

只能怪自己太傻，
陪不上他。
因为我们是来自两个世界的人，
我只能默默的爱着他。

I still love him . I still can't forget him . He's the only one that would make me smile .. happy for the whole day just by receiving an sms from him alone . I know I love him , I know I do .

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Thursday, January 8, 2009 Y 9:15 AM

o5o1o9 :

Sometimes I just dont get it . I really dont . Why does she change, at the rate of a chameleon . She used to say noting when i reach home late . Like 11 plus pm .. but today .. Sis told me mum was unhappy I went out .. and reach home at 10.30pm . Thats considered early le lor . zzz . Why .. Everything seems to change after they knew about my current bf . Very different . Mum doesn't seem to like him at all . I know it . I can feel it .

I hid my tears, those screams I shout, voiceless .. Nothing would work. She never listens. Not to me. All I could, is to hide my tears. Those unhappiness, the suicidal thoughts. I can feel and see it clearly, I dont mean a thing .. not to them . Everytime I yearn to end my life, I failed to do so . I didn't have the courage to do so , for i fear .. not death .. but not dying.

Sighs .. 我真的很烦。不了解为什么妈妈会有这么大的反差。 I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not . 但是，她永远也不会把我当成大人一般看待。

有没有人能理解我心里的那一份挣扎。Life seems meaningless to me now. The pain .. those tears ..

如果，你妈妈在你面前，说你只是她的负但。如果，你的姐姐说如果能选，她宁愿不要你这个妹妹... 如果对你的家人来说，你活着一点价值也没有，你笑得起来吗？你还会对生命充满热忱吗？

No one seems to understand whats behind my sad face.. why I was always quiet, why I always emo-ed.. Now, perhaps you have an idea.

我累了。如果，我的离去能救另外一个人，如果我的离去，能带来一个新生命的诞生，我愿意。

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..

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I Love

❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!

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-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
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-[x]Danboard
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-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
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