♥ Be Happy

Monday, October 26, 2009 Y 10:38 PM

26 Oct 2009 :

I've been keeping some thoughts to myself .. was it because they were in the same class in the same school that they got so close to each other i'm getting jealous?

Why is it that I felt there is no longer space for me ..

Why is it that I feel .. I'm distancing away from my good friends..

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Took that picture recently.. It's a pic of my new-est hammie .. Still have not decided what to name him yet . Trying to name him something that fits into his character .. Or perhaps I should just give him a random name.. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

- Jumpy .. ( Every time I place him in a box he would jump and keep scratching the sides of the box wanting to get out )

- Naughty ( thats what I think of him, he's quite different from DaiDai .. and I miss DaiDai )

- Cute ( the way he behaves when he tries to be certain if I'm near or observing him )

I've thought about it and decided that, I should not turn down any invitations to go out together with my friends.. (special ones). I've been feeling bad for rejecting their invitation..

So, the next time WanRu or Spencer asks me out together with the rest, I shall not turn down unless I've got something on. I should try to socialize more. But how do I break out of my "shell" and do that, the solution is still unknown. HAHA!

It's week 2 for ISP already and I'm getting stressed up. How should I start with my project .. How do I spice it up .. Gotta complete it by the end of week 3 and I've got to rush 4 items out. Dang !

Sighs, I'm just afraid.. that I'll flunk this sem.. What should I do .. Somehow.. I've just got no confidence.. Everyone's works seems far better than mine..

我该和他分手吗？我还欠他一个答案，我还没做出一个决定。

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Thursday, October 22, 2009 Y 1:33 PM

A song a 17 year old sang for her boyfriend before she pass away due to rare skin disease. Sad and touching video.

Lyrics:

English version lyric. (Credit for changetheworld forum member)

"Lovynn Kan"

*Chorus Start*

Before I close my eyes for the last time
I wish to tell you I love you
In your embrace, don't wish to let go
In my heart, thousands of words I have yet to tell you
I used all my strength to keep my eyes from closing
After this farewell, there will be no more meetings, no more can I be by your side
But please don't forget
You promised me you will live on as well as you can

I'm leaving first, leaving for a faraway place
I won't be able to watch the sunrise with you anymore
I won't be able to wait for dawn
Erasing all the memories, is not an easy thing
But life & death are predestined, don't be too sad

在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
先走了去了好远的地方
不能再陪你看日出等不到天亮
所有回忆抹去却并不容易
生死由天决定不要太伤心
在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
在我最后一次闭上眼睛之前
我想对你说我爱你
在你怀里舍不得放弃
心里有千万语还没说给你听
我使尽全力不想闭上眼睛
这次告别就不能再相遇
不能再陪你但不要忘记
你曾经答应我你会好好活下去
我永远爱你。

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Monday, October 19, 2009 Y 12:59 AM

19 Oct 2009 :

I know, I'm in the wrong. But, I'll never forgive her. The words they said, never left my mind, never stopped stabbing my heart. It wasn't just once.

Recently, 我一直在哭。Yesterday, went to Dar's place late. Was supposed to celebrate his mum's bday.. felt guilty and sorry.. but I couldn't care less when I entered. I was emoing the whole journey there. The moment I entered his hse, I went straight to his room and cried at a corner, sitting on his bed.

The thoughts that filled my mind -; all she cared was herself. she did not even show concern whether I had my breakfast or not, till before I left the hse, when I opened the fridge to look for food. But it was too late isn't it. There she was giving me hell why I was being late to the "party"..

SHE FKING KNOW NOTHING AND ALL SHE DOES IS ALWAYS USE HER BLOODY MOUTH. 我就是这样的一个女孩，败她所刺！She was the one that "decided" this life for me. If, she does not have the ability to give love, care and concern to me, den don't even give birth to me. YES I FKING SAID THESE WORDS! IF SHE COULD SAY SHE REGRETTED MY EXISTANCE DEN WHY CANT I SAY THESE WORDS!

If she decided to give birth to me, then don't throw me to a nanny and I ended up being ill-treated. I was given little compared to what a normal baby should be given. My bones are smaller as compared to the rest of you. It was her that made my life hell. IF SHE FKING KNOW NOTHING DEN STFU! All she knows if to complain why I take cab all the time. Has she ever put herself into my shoes and think USING HER BRAIN AND HEART? NO SHE NEVER DID! All these years, ever since Pri 1, the stares and glares ppl gave, those insulting words ppl used on me .. it is something perhaps no one could have understood. None the NORMAL people could have understood.

I'm not normal. I was told by the doctor that there was something wrong with my bone structure. if i stretch my fingers straight tgt, my finger bends. Why am I like this ? All bcos of her. Perhaps, she never knew abt this.

Ppl would often tell me, why do u care so much about how ppl look at you, just live life happily and dont care about how they look at you. Do you think I wished to live miserably? Do you not think how much I yearned not to care too? But have any of you ever thought how much I suffered? I would keep silent if I was blind or deaf, but unfortunately I'm none of the above. I CAN HEAR AND SEE how ppl look and say about me.

It is obvious that she favours my sister to me. It is obvious that she's bias. Even dar realises so. My sister is not staying with us anymore currently, she's staying at her bf's hse. Sleeping with him in the same room every night. WHAT RIGHTS HAS MY MUM GOT TO SAY ANYTHING ABT MY LOVE LIFE WHEN SHE NEVER CARED FOR ME, WHEN SHE ACCEPTED WHAT MY SISTER DOES BUT NOT ME. WHY DO I SUFFER ALL THE "AFTER IMPACTS" OF WHAT MY SISTER DOES.

Dar was the one that was always there for me, not my mum. SHE HAS NO FKING RIGHTS TO ASK ME TO BREAK WITH HIM, GET THAT RIGHT. When I was afraid, when I was alone, he was here for me, accompanying me. NOW SHE BANNED HIM FROM MY HSE, insulting him. WHAT RIGHTS OF A MUM SHE HAS TO THAT? UNGRATEFUL BITCH. YES, I SAID THESE HARSH WORDS.

He might still not be matured for me yet, but he certainly loves and cares for me much more than my mum did.

我对这个家，绝望了。I will not go to granny's anymore on Sundays. I will attend those functions or stuff. Say whatever they/you want, but i'm not going, unless I change my mind.

I hate her, thats an undeniable FACT. I couldn't believe how selfish she was. All she thought was for herself. She doted on my sister bcos she felt that I would be useless when I grow up, that I couldn't provide for them when I grew up. When my sister MIA-ed, she was furious, she regretted. She told me they would have to depend on me. After my sis came back, she changed back. But look, does she come back every weekend ? I could feel her heart's not even here. When I called her on Saturday, asking her to check if ViCi needs anything for lunch or dinner, she was rude to me. ' WHAT? IM AT HOME! ' Like I owe her a living.

Hahaha. She could act very well in front of others. Like she doted on me. But it wasn't the first time, she was rude to me.

I hated the times I'm at home.

Sighs, perhaps I should just end here. Enough of my slient rants.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Saturday, October 17, 2009 Y 12:27 AM

16 Oct 2009:

Today, I overslept ! BOOHOOHOOS! I was 1 and a half hour late for ceramics. Duhs! When i got there, I wanted to try out the wheel thingy .. which I did, but had problems with it because of the nails I did at Vici's. Was already planning to remove it so, its okay.

Guess it's just too long, I still prefer my own nails.

Submission for Alt. Drawing today is till 5pm initially, but I got it wrong and thought it was 2pm. BTH! I SUPER BLUR LA! PS dar, made u wait from 12pm to 6pm.. Finally can retrieve our work at 6pm. HEH!

I cried today in sch.. while I was confiding to wanru. Thanks WanRu for counseling me, I really do appreciate it very much, really .. thanks. Not to forget those who cared - Serena, Spencer & Joy.

Perhaps, 虽然我得不到她公平的对待，得不到家庭的温暖，但是庆幸的是，我有一群真心的朋友在我身旁。他们，就像是我的守护天使。Words can't express how thankful I am to them, but I know, they are angels for, they could accept me for who I am, they sincerely cared, they were selfless, always there for me.

Suicidal thoughts filled my mind ever since what happened ytd. But not to worry, I felt better after WanRu's counseling. haha.

Went to eat at the Jap restaurant or something at Cathay B1.. gosh ! Our bill for 8 ppl totals up to $100.25 ! didn't eat much oso nehs !

After collecting our work, went to meet Aaron & Dar at National Library. Ate dinner with them, then proceeded home after a short walk. Met Huiping at POMO.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Sunday, October 4, 2009 Y 12:27 PM

04 oct 2009:

I didn't know that I'm still sick..my tummy still hurts on n off.. bleahs.. I guess sth's wrong with my tummy.. D:

我快要崩溃了。好多东西要忙。It's submission for my assignments this & next week. Quite a few still not done yet. sobs!

doc says sis's eyes is okay but suspects there is something in her head.. mum told me she's afraid its tumor. sometimes I don't know what to believe from mum's mouth. She exaggerates everything. -.-

sighs.. sis's bdae coming soon too.. haven't thought of what to get her yet.. :l

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Friday, October 2, 2009 Y 12:13 AM

01 Oct 2009:

Romantic, surprising proposal. If it were me, 我肯定跑不动。

A dream wedding .. simple yet touching.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I Love

❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!

My Cravings

-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
-[ ]Health, Happiness & Safety to all my loved ones.
-[x]Danboard
-[ ]Chinchilla + Cooler
-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
-[ ]Connie Talbot 'Over the Rainbow' CD
-[ ]Wallet/Purse & watch
-[ ]clothes, clothes, clothes!

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