♥ Be Happy

Wednesday, April 8, 2009 Y 12:49 PM

o8o4o9 :

First, im going to apologise that this is a freaking long entry. You can just close this web browser if you do not want to continue reading.

Somehow, things are like going haywire for me. Always going in the wrong direction, or was it just my luck. :l Sighs ! There are things troubling me, which explains why i am like lifeless recently. And yes, it is family problem. I've decided to blog it out, because it's like taking my breath away from me. It has been for quite some time actually, but I didn't confide in others, i kept it to myself. But some around me knows about it. Sighs..

I couldn't accept my sis being with this guy out of a sudden when I know it deep down, she hasn't forgotten about her ex. She did this just to show others, she can live without him, she's gotten over him. It's obvious. I've noticed that she got very excited, somewhat like proud, that guys are interested in her. Whats the big deal when she's attractive. Yes, to me she's pretty. =). I could see it, that she hasn't gotten over her ex. All she talks about is him. She could not get over the fact she loved him so deeply, treating him so good, like an emperor, and yet he's such a bastard.

At one point, she even talked to me. Wanting me to break up with melvin. Claiming she has the right to interefere, for my own good. I have my own reasons for not being able to accept that guy. But that does not mean that i object them being together. I'm okay with it as long as that guy treats her well. Me not being able to accept that guy is my personal problem, that does not mean she cannot be with that guy. I repeat again that i did not ask them to break up. Unlike what she did to me in the past.

She might claim that he treats her well, just like what Aaron (our gan di) told us. But thats just the beginning isn't it? She knows the guy barely for few days, shorter than a week definitely and that guy is already interested in her? If not for her looks, what else would it be? Don't give me crap like love at first sight, yes it might happen but it's still first impression, appearance and stuff. What I can't stand is that, that guy went through our friend, Vici, to woo her, trying to matchmake them.

At the airport, the day she's flying back after her 1 week in Singapore for job interviews, it was obvious she was reluctant in taking pictures with him. Everyone there knew that. She refused, but still accepted because she had to. It was impolite to refuse a picture with others when you are leaving. When she told Aaron that, that guy is interested in her and wants to woo her, we had the same reaction. We were not for it. I can remember clearly too that she had no interest or liking in the guy either.

Now, she's pushing everything to me and my family. Like she's not at fault. She was the one who kept asking my mum for money. It's not $1 or $100. Not a small amount, everytime she asks for money, its in thousands. Not SGD but Australian Dollars. And everytime she comes back, she spend my mum $10-20k easily. Buying computer, handphone etc. My mum also gives her money before she leave, like around $6-8K Australian dollars everytime. Around there.

When my parents wanted her to come back to Singapore and get a job, staying here, she refused. No matter how my mum asked her. I could feel how much my mum wants her to come back. But she refused, insisting she wants to stay in Australia. But after she knew that guy, she changed. She said she would come back to work for like 2 years, and then go back. She also told my mum that the guy would go there 2 years later after his contract end. The one week when she came back, she was different. She looked for my mum just because she needs money. She did not stay with us, giving only excuses. She was like stucked to her bf, well i do admit that whenever one is in a relationship, most of the time you're only with your other half.

I knew nothing at all. I've got to know things through Aaron. That's what that is hurting me. I'm her biological sister, but it feels like i'm ust another stranger to her. Instead, Aaron seems like her biological brother. Well, i do care for her. It is just that i don't show it out. On appearance some might think or feel that im cold towards her, but deep down its not like that. Actually, i did get a singtel prepaid card, which includes international calls and sms.. because i thought i could contact her. I was dumb enough to realise i dont have her current number. The number i had was way outdated. I tried smsing but no reply. I was upset. Am i really her sister? I don't feel that way.

I can see Aaron siding her. She told him that we didn't help her when she needed help. Well, i expected her to do so anyway. She borrowed money from friends to tide over the crisis. 8k australian dollars. She needed it to settle the cancellation of bills and stuff. But one thing she didn't tell them i suppose is that, when she called and asked my mum for money, she was in the wrong.

She called after like god knows how long, 1 week probably after she arrived in Adelaide ( her bf went there too. she claimed that her friends wanted to see him. ) and asked mum for money .. the 8k.. and she actually hanged up the phone on mum. She actually DID ! She was NEVER, NEVER like that. She used to call mum once she touched down. She's in the wrong and she was so rude to mum ? And shes putting the blame on us ? Claiming i caused my mum to dislike her bf and blaming my mum for not giving her the money to pay ?

Well, if you are saying we should not be angry or whatever to side her. Let me just say this. My mum did ask her not to buy so many stuff etc as she is not staying there permanently yet. She do not have a stable job and stuff. She signed a 3 year internet plan over there and wants to cancel it. My mum had advised her again and again in the past but she insist on doing it her own way. Now she wants mum to pay for her to cancel it just so she can come back not for us but for the guy? Let's just say its okay, but why the fuck did she hang the phone on mum ? Yes, i used the word fuck . Cause i damn pissed at her. She's claming she's right, she's the victim and stuff .. go on then .

What the hell has me being unable to accept that guy got to do with me influencing mum? Use your dumb brain. Mum's not a child anymore, she's a grown adult that has far much more experience than me and you. I'm not that good to the extent that i can sweet talk her or influence her decisions or her thinking. Unlike someone, who can sweet talk her to buy her things. Mum has also said to me clearly before that, she has not judged the guy yet. Whether he is good or bad. They are just at the start or of a relationship and its for us to say he is good or bad yet. I agree, its for time to tell. Thats exactly why i said i might be unable to accept him now but as long as he treats sis well, im fking fine with it. GET IT, DAMMIT?

Perhaps to her im nothing but just some garbage that better not exist. Aaron's far more better than me. He's absolutely perfect. Why not disown me? I know it deep in her heart she yearns to do that. I will never forget what she said to me that night.

' If i can chooose, I wouldn't want you as my sister. '

Like a knife stabbing me thousand times.

Neither can i forget the scene when i was quarrelling with sis at Century Square, and that guy was like smiling ! No one at that scene was like smiling, apart from him. They had solem faces. Why the fk is he even smiling? In a situation like that, when u noticed that your gf's sister cannot accept you, you would be worrying like hell instead of smiling, unless you're not serious about her. There is nothing funny about it lor. If you are disagreeing with me, go to hell kays. I will forgive you if you are out of your mind though. =).

She was rude to me. Aaron told me to call her that day, as they were late. Upon answering the call, she was like so damn rude.. like i owe her money or something? I told her that we couldn't wait anymore. It was pretty late already. We were supposed to meet at like 6.30pm but till 8.30pm they still had not reach. They are late and is she is like so fking rude to me ? WTH ? She said he got delayed by his work. Even so, why did she have to be so fking rude to me on the fone? I dare to say that she would not do that if it was Aaron who is talking to her. She was also talking to me in a rude attitude saying, ' we're reaching already la...' I could only remember this, can't remember the others. But one thing for sure, she was rude.

I didn't even know she was meeting aaron and the rest. I DON'T KNOW A THING UNTIL AARON TOLD ME MY SIS IS MEETING HIM. And my mum was there. She did not even tell me yet she told mum she told me. WTH? I have witness that it was aaron who told us, it was aaron who we got to know that they were meeting.

There is nothing more i can say, i'm just fking disappointed. Oh yeah, go on and put the blame on me. What else can I say? She always right. We're in the wrong okay? Is that what she wants?

I'm gonna say sorry because i was rude that day by leaving like that without even saying hi to him. But, i do not agree that i'm fully in the wrong. You did not even ask me out. Aaron was everything in your mind. You don't need a sis like me. I never seem to know anything. You asked everyone but me out that day. Have you ever spared a thought for me? On how I would have felt? When im your biological sister but i know nothing about you and have to go through Aaron to know?

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Thursday, April 2, 2009 Y 9:32 PM

020409:

I overslept .. woke up afternoon le. :x So, i missed class.

Sighs.. I've been dreading the day tml come. Gonna act as ' ghost ' for Video Production tml ..

... well, no one would be happy about that right ? Well, but nvm la.. though im unhappy about it , but it'll be over de.. I just hope it'll end soon..

I dont know why but it seems like i'm on bad luck recently.. nothing seems to be going on right . Sighs.. So much homework to rush .. yet, I don't feel like doing it at all. Sighs. I'm relieved to know Wardah's gonna bring the things needed for tml though. =). I guess i gonna change in school to the ghost costume and.. change back immediately after im done . WAHAHAHA. YES, im so gonna do it. :x

With Love,
Ileana x3 !

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..

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❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!

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-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
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