♥ Be Happy

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 Y 10:44 PM

17o6o9:

I'm sorry but I suppose this would be another emo blog entry. If you have any objections please feel free to close the window. Sighs. I've been trying to hide the fact, every single day I yearn I don't exist.

I hate her. All she ever thinks of is herself. She has never spared a thought for me. Did she ? Haha ! She is threatening me again. Yet again. She fails to even bother to ask me the reason for my doings.

Do they even have time for me ? Have they ever cared for me ? Did they even think about my well-being ? Why did I turn out like that ?

They have neglected me since the point I existed. They failed as the duty of parents . Yes, I meant that. They were busy with work, I understand that is essential for survival and our family's welfare. But, they have neglected the welfare of my sister and me. The reason, I turn out this way. The reason why I'm different from the rest. I do not wish to speak into details about that though. For that, I apologise. They never shower me with care nor attention. I hate the naggings, lectures and scoldings I get from her every SINGLE day. No one seems to be able to stand her. Not even my grandma. I'm dying for the moment I stop breathing.

I'm always alone. I kept things to myself, even if I felt I was misunderstood or have endured any injustice. They do not even understand me. Sometimes, I simply hate staying at home.

I hate her, for all she sees is herself. All she favors is my sis. Why, now that she's nowhere around, the burden seems to lay on my shoulders. The burden that never seems to ever be there. Perhaps I was just their backup. A piece of junk they felt they were better without. I don't see the reason for my existance. Those words hurt like knives hurled at me. Those sentences I would never forget.

She always seem to complain about my high phone bills and me getting addicted to games. Have she ever questioned herself if she have showed me enough care and concern ? Or did she even bother to ?

All she sees in her eyes is herself.

Does she even know about me ? I could still remember clearly, that night when I realised she don't even know me. When she 'guessed' wrongly about my likes. At that moment, I was strucked with shock and severe disappointment. The thoughts that lingered on my mind indicates that she failed her duty as my mum. She never seems to care or understand.

It's too late for that now, even if she tries. There is no more space for her to invade. I'm already used to my lonely life.

I could still remember, I slept with maids while my sis slept in her room and my parents their own at granny's place. There was once I remembered clearly I suffered injustice and I cried bitterly TALKING to my teddy bear. That was pathetic.

I kept everything to myself. There is no point in explaining when they have already judged I'm at fault. She never noticed, the one who should be blamed isn't actually me, but them. However, I do admit I'm partly at fault too.

I hate my existance, I really do. All I plead of you, God, is to take my breath away. Every moment alive is a torture to me. Please, perhaps it would be better to give it to someone who needs it more.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Sunday, June 14, 2009 Y 8:18 PM

14o6o9 :

I hate sundays. I have nothing to do at granny's place so I decided to bring laptop to granny's place. Sighs.. I did not have enough sleep yesterday night as Marco disrupted my sleep. He kept 'knocking' on the doors loudly, both room door and toilet door. Duhs! When we opened the door for him, he simply stand there and did nothing. It repeated upteen times, till mum had no choice but to bring him down for a walk, thinking he needs to poo. We thought we were done for that day, but nope.. He continues doing it. Fed up but there is nothing we can do. So, yes, I didn't get to sleep well.

As I was tired, I took a nap in the late evening. I woke up late. Mum and Dad was already having dinner. I ate dinner with them. As I took a nap and woke up late in the night, I couldn't go to bed on time. Mum got furious. I was upset and I felt wronged. I played com. But I kept quiet. I played till late because I could get to sleep on time. Sighs! When I was trying to shut my room door, I had problems closing the door. When I shut the door, I accidentally slammed it onto my right hand's little finger. It hurts, still hurts till now. Sighs. My wrist hurts too. I have no idea what's wrong. -.-

Often, I would feel terrible because I kept things to myself. Mum doesn't seem to understand me at all. She always misunderstood me. Never bothers to ask for the reason. I'm tired of this all. I'm never doing things she like but she failed to realise, they were the cause of it. I don't want to explain anymore. It is obvious, I'm nothing to her. All she cares of is sis. Screwed life.

There is nothing I do that is right to her. I'm tired of this fcuking life and i wonder how long more i could last. I hate my life. I hate her.

Stranded alone on an island no one seems to notice. The tears that washed my face invisable to the eyes of others. The pain that haunts me silent to the ears of others. I'm living in pain, hating my existance.

He gave me problems and headache again. I'm tired of it but I just lack the courage and wit to come to a decision. I have no idea what I should do. I've been asked upteen times why am I still with him.. why just can't I leave him .. I don't know why .. I find no answer to that. Sighs..

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..

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I Love

❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!

My Cravings

-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
-[ ]Health, Happiness & Safety to all my loved ones.
-[x]Danboard
-[ ]Chinchilla + Cooler
-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
-[ ]Connie Talbot 'Over the Rainbow' CD
-[ ]Wallet/Purse & watch
-[ ]clothes, clothes, clothes!

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