♥ Be Happy

Friday, July 31, 2009 Y 12:28 AM

31 July 2oo9:

I was actually quite lazy to blog because school has started. I was kind of unhappy initially and hated to go school, because I was in a new class with eleanor only. I missed my old class, I really do. These were new faces I never approached before. I was shy and quiet in nature, this hindered me in making friends with them as compared to the rest.

I was kind of 自毙 perhaps others would think as I sat at corners and kept to myself. I don't know why but that was what happened to me. I felt like I was extra, like I was not needed in class, perhaps because the others were in cliques and I did not know what to talk to Eleanor about. I'm struggling with it.

Sighs, I know I should be more sociable and open up, but it's just DIFFICULT for me. Every time I summon up the courage, persuading myself, I would end up all loss ! RAHHHHS ! Just WTH is wrong with me. I'm just not being myself !

WanRu is really good to me, She told WenJie to take good care of me in class, because she knows about this. I confided in her. I did not expect her to go to such an extent and I thought her listening would be good enough for me. I'm really touched by her actions but I don't know how to express it. I kept quiet and smiled, but I wonder if she knew.

People in class were trying to get to know me, I suppose. But it's kind of weird, that's how I feel. Phyllis is cute and she attracts my attention. She's bubbly and she's just herself. I was kind of surprised when she smiled at me that day. -excited- Today, when it's time for Alternative Drawing at 3pm, our class ended 15 mins earlier and I went to class. When I was outside the class, some of them including Phyllis was there. Jervin, Phyllis, Yuen and WenJie asked me for my name and actually mixed mine and eleanor's up. Haha ! As usual. =P ! But that expression on WenJie's face was funny. Haha.

I'm actually grateful they didn't 排斥 me just because I was too thin, because I felt that it isn't easy to accept me. It's just great knowing people are so friendly and kind to me, unlike in the past and the public that I sometimes wish, I don't see them at all.

我很渴望能增肥，我想变得跟别人一样，我不想有异样的眼光无时无刻的盯着我。那种感觉很难受。我也想变美。

Why, am I different from the rest, Why am I so thin ? Sometimes I really wonder.

Kinda Jealous Shanlyn and Eclair same school ( LaSelle ) .. sobs.. none of them same school as me.

Here are some photos I took :

Ninja Aaron. Haha !

H1N1 Alert ! Please wear mask ! =x

Dolly ( grandma place's doggy ). Cutie yet ferocious!

Errhs.. Patrick Yee did this on Spen's foto. I merely took a pic. :X He put on his head at first.

MEMEME! Wind Effect! Photogenic perhaps? PeiLing says doesn't look like me. T___T

At the fountain outside Suntec. Bunny Bag x3 !

BIG BIG DURIAN!

Pistachio Ice Cream made of Goat Milk at Clarke Quay! Yumms! I finished an ice cream by myself for the first time ! D:

I saw this on the whiteboard at typography's classroom. Reminds me of spencer's nick.

Yours Sincerely,
Ileana

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009 Y 8:45 AM

Came across this video and thought it's nice.

Tanaka Reina - Memory Seishun No Hikari(sub)

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Tuesday, July 21, 2009 Y 8:50 PM

21o7o9:

oh wows. I thought I won't be able to blog.. I couldn't type my entry for quite some time. The page just got screwed up. Okays, anyways.. here's my entry.

It's the first day of my year 2 today at NAFA and it hasn't really been a pleasant one. I was pretty much upset but I kept it to myself.. Thou I did tell myumyu and dar about it via sms.. but after that I kept it to myself. Yeaps.

I was waiting for the lift at campus 1 wing A to go to class today but behind me entered a group of malays (guy+girls) who so happened to be immatured and inconsiderate. They did not use their brains to think how it would have hurt others. What makes them think they are pretty much better than me when this action of theirs just killed it. They are no angels and I think I deserve to be banished to hell. YES, i meant it.

Didn't they use their fcuking brains or was it there for display? Yes, I'm serverely underweight and so what. Does that give them the right of calling me names? I was right infront of them and they were talking bad about me.

'Hey! I saw bamboo forest here!' *note he kept repeating the word bamboo* The girls among his group laughed non-stop. Next, He said ' are there any pandas around here? ' .. in my mind i was like WTF! Too much nors. (yes, i just said WTF & its vulgar). Even after entering the lift they did not stop their nonsense. The guy continued by calling me JuOn.. just that im the taller version..

What? They think im dumb? I know they are fcuking saying about me. But I just dont wish to quarrel with some people with no brains.

They do not see beyond things. An apple means an apple to them. I wonder how they are art students when their brains are like that.

So what happens if their client in future is of a similar case as me? Are they going to do the same thing? Monkey brains. (I wanted to scold P-brains very much but showed some respect because their religions consider P a dirty animal.)

Then, creative imagery was boring. Though it sounded easy but I think its a little tough or tricky too. Nothing much to talk about actually. But it was pretty weird for me cause we were all sitting by the sides of the room on stools, not like the usual classrooms we had.

I have more malay and guy classmates as compared to my year 1 i think. Seriously, I miss my year 1 class and I think it's the best class I've had. It's a pity we had to separate class. -sighs- I kept to myself today. Was extremely quiet cause of what happened earlier on so I suppose didn't really make friends.

Had a 2 hr break inbetween classes.. Eleanor & I went to the kopitiam foodcourt nearby for lunch and it was packed. Duhs. I had (white skin) chicken rice while she had nasi goreng/bryani with prawns. I too, tried to ignore the fact many were looking or staring at me. I hate it when I seem to catch others' attention.

After our lunch, we went back to library to look for WanRu, Spencer & the rest. WanRu, Spencer, YongDe and Edwin was like drawing and teasing each other. Haha. It was pretty funny.

WanRu showed us some gross videos. She claims she likes to search for stuff like these. At that moment I was like thinking, ' huh.. why wanru like to watch these? so gross!' It was like videos of people's brain there got worm or larvae.. then go doc there force it out. YUCKS! I can't bear to think of it. -faints-

We still had time to spare since class starts at 3pm.. so I took out my book to read. <>. After that went for Digital Imagery class.. Did a powerpoint of the difference between vector and raster graphics within an hour. My groupmate accidentally press restart so had to redo. bleahs.. I helped them with it. Heehee.

After that went to wait for dar den walk walk around but not for long cause I was feeling uncomfy I keep seeing people stare at me. Got really depressed so I took a cab home. In the cab, the feeling was kinda stronger.. I thought about the day.. wanted to blog about it but my internet ruins it all.

I suppose having mio tv doesnt benefit ur internet at all. I regret installing mio tv now. sighs. I would always have problems surfing net or logging in msn msnger. Irritates me.

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Saturday, July 18, 2009 Y 12:22 PM

17o7o9 :

Went to ECP with Aaron and Dar. This time we rode bicycles, which was something I feared ever since I fell from the bicycle last time. While riding, I actually failed to notice the paint on the bicycle came off till I reach home!

It's also been a long time since I excercised so much.

The first time I felt I sweat worthwhile.

Like I said, riding bicycle was something I feared, so .. I actually did scream and panic quite often when I'm afraid I might just crash or have an accident.

I'm starting to think I'm someone who never fails to worry.

I've never cycled this area before. The end was the "steep slope" I screamed.

YAY! Kitty brushed its body against me.

Look at that ! So cool lors !

A group of kitties! Someone was feeding them earlier on. Strangely, the brown one just keeps looking at the carpark where the person walks away.

This lollipop tastes quite nice. Unique packaging but needs to improve a little I feel.

I've never ate this combination before.. Fried Hokkien Mee with prawns + oyster .. I doubt I'll try again cause it isn't cooked that deliciously as I thought it would be.

Prawns thats kinda crunchy. Dar said it was dipped into salt water first to make it crunchy.

YAYS! Me, Dar and Aaron! 'Group' photo at bedok jetty. See the beach behind !

The View without us blocking. So pretty ! Too bad its getting dark.

Group photo 2.. Not a nice shot I suppose, background wrong liaos..

The kitty that belongs to my void deck.. haha. The light brown de very timid de lor. see human go near run far far. -.- I like those black stripes de. Poor thing.. Tail short short de, I think got 'chopped' away..

Before we went home we were sitting alongside the beach chatting. 'Gotcha!'

The inner reveals of the Chupa Chups Lollipop.. 6 Mini ones.

MeMeMe! Trying to take a photo with the Sea as BG but too dark. ZZZ!

Me when its not so dark. Somehow looked like I was moving perhaps cos the wind was too strong.

Ending here. Sad, School's starting..

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Tuesday, July 14, 2009 Y 12:29 PM

14o7o9:

I hate the fact I'm born into this family, I hate the fact I exist. 我讨厌她！It is so fking obvious she's biased. What am I to her? I was never something. I'm just a piece of floating wood on the sea she held on to when the boat sink. A piece of wood she would dump aside when it's of no use to her. 对她来说，我的存在一点意义也没有。

There are so many things I do not wish to talk about here, but proves in my eyes that she's bias. I'm not spouting nonsense so don't tell me she loves me. The things they said will NEVER, NEVER be erased from my memory. The pain and tears I had every night will never be forgotten.

What's the point of celebrating your 21st birthday when there's no freedom to talk about. I'm sick and tired of life, I wish I'm dead. The every moment I exist, every minute I'm in this house, brings nothing but pain.

I'm trying to cling on, to struggle and live on. But she's making life difficult for me. Why am I like a caged bird, with no freedom to talk about. I hate the way she treats me and my sister so differently. I was never like her, nowhere close. But why, doesn't she control my sis more as compared to me. I never smoked, never an 'ahlian', never went clubbing, never left house before.. I'm just a 乖乖女。Since young, when my mum always cane me, I would just stand there like a dumb fk and let her cane. My sis would always run. WHY.

All I wanted was the same treatment she gave my sis. I hate life. It hurts when people around me lives happily with their family, yet im living in pain. I was never anything to them. They do not even care about me.

I ate not even lick the D24 durian daddy bought home, cos I was having tummyache.. yet dad gave it my cousins and granny. Everything. Not even a bit left. I'm not being selfish, I'm not greedy over the durians. But I see those, as love. I was happy they bought it home, thinking it was for me.

Behind my silence, lays nothing but unhappiness. There are many things I kept only to myself. I tried to disguise my unhappiness with smiles.

When I lose control of myself, it would be the point of time in life I'm not myself anymore. I've been trying to tolerate everything.. keeping everything to myself. Don't push me to the point I choose to suicide.

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Monday, July 13, 2009 Y 7:45 AM

I went to Cosfest VIII 2009 with shan last saturday. I didn't take much cos i was kinda depressed. I got frightened by 2 naruto cosplayers..too bad i didnt get the chance to snap their pics.There's this guy that kinda 帅 lor.. when he cosplay.. quite a lot of gers were going gaga over him. haha. I didnt get to snap his pic ! SAD ! ppl were blocking me.. But shan managed to.

Here are the pics.

The guy girls were going gaga over.

Shan took this pic of me. -.-. 'Which Route Should I Choose?'

Shan's work again. haha. emo girl ~ me obviously -.-

Yay! Shugo Chara ! =x The ger cute norhs !

I got no idea what anime they are from =\ But the one on the left kinda popular for pic taking.

She was posing for her friend to help her take pics.

O.O! Kissing~ Nopes. Not lip to lip lols.

Yuna.. cute costume she have there.

erms.. fried mushroom from NYNY. :x

Waffle with Choco Ice Cream. ^^

Shaniie Shan Shan ! With that cute cool pose. Pinchable face :x

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Monday, July 6, 2009 Y 11:57 AM

o6o7o9 :

我一点也不开心。因为，我被分配到另外一个班。Different from Spencer, WanRu and Joy. 现在，只能希望有人能和我同班。

If no one's in the same class as me, I guess I'm just having extreme bad luck today.

原本愉快的心情现在，都被搞砸了。待会儿我还得回学校一趟交学费。Sighs! I'm trying not to brood too much about it but, seems like I cant get it out of my head till I know someone's in the same class as me. It's always like this for me, perhaps because I don't have any sense of security. My fears that the past replays again is always there. I'm still afraid people cannot accept me for who I am. I hate those stares and misjudgements but there's nothing I can do about it if it's already decided in their mind.

现在的我和他稳定多了，不过他一直由暗恋者向他告白。我并不是很在意，因为我相信要对彼此有信任。我知道，他深深地爱着我。

Today's his first day of school after his long break. Hope everything's going on well for him.

Though that means I'm alone most of the time till school reopens.

I think NAFA seriously have to do something about that module registration thingy. It's been lagging since I don't know what time. Till now I can't register for my modules. I wonder what class is Queenie in. I sms-ed her but she did not reply ..

I think I wanna stop for now, got no mood to do anything.

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Sunday, July 5, 2009 Y 12:01 AM