♥ Be Happy

Sunday, October 12, 2008 Y 11:13 AM

Does he even care ..?

I hate myself so much I wished I never exist .

If only god could take me away, I don't mind giving my life to someone else who needs it much more than me.

I don't see the purpose of living, when it's just a torture to me.

I hate the way I am .

I was told .. you're so sweet the way the real you are, but why do you keep emoing ?

That triggered thoughts in me.. why can't I just be who I really am.. why do I have to care what others feel .. why do I mind them so much !

It's because, when I caught sight of the way they looked at me, it stabs. As simple as that.

There are things you couldn't forget, couldn't ignore .. when you notice.

No doubt I'm dumb and blur .. but not to the extend .. I don't even realise how people around me looked at me. I'm not blind.

I hate those looks they gave me. As though they were superior .. There was a moment of rash .. when I wanted to say it out straight .. But I held back .. I didn't know why.

When would I be able to let go .. To stop emoing .

When would I return to the real me ..

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Wednesday, October 8, 2008 Y 5:24 PM

o81oo8 :

Well, as usual .. didn't sleep enough but still force myself to wake up for school.

I wonder whats wrong with me today .. I didn't know why I felt like I was " isolating " myself today. sighs .. As in, I felt I'm kind of anti-social today. Perhaps I don't really feel like talking. Kind of tired. I wish I don't have to go school. Can sleep all day. hahs ! Fat hope. MEH !

For my Design Elements module today, I managed to finish the assignment. hees ! That means no need to rush another piece of homework. * jumps around*

Stress.. sobs .. Got to finish assignments for all 5 modules by next week. Sighs.
Okays.. Here's the rank, from the one i hate most to the one i love most ..

Drawing & Compo - 3D design - Design Elements - Photography - Creative Process .

(: WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO !

Just received a call from sis ! WAHAHAHAHA ! Guess what ?! She got her PR in Aust ! ((((((: ! HEES ! Super Duper Happy for her !

But actually, there's a bad news for that too. That would mean I would have to go Aust sooner or later , but definately after my NAFA. ^^" Well, if she's not going to come back.. I would have to go there. She has already made plans long ago to migrate our family there slowly. =\ Sighs. Well.. but still, hees .. super happy ! I heard mum saying the fees cost about $6k .. not sure in aust or sg currency.

Hmms .. End class at 12noon .. Got a HUGE break till 3pm. Had ISP ( Integrated Studio Project ) briefing . duhs .. was like .. blur-ness the whole day. haha . Sabrina's very caring.

She asked quite a few times if i'm alright, which is very thoughtful of her. hehes. Well, yeahs .. indeed im not feeling really well recently. Have no idea why but its seems im not in condition.. or should I say, I have always been weak. =="

Sighs.. ISP seems easy but is rather tough to me . Cause the topic's rather broad.

Have no idea what i'm going to do yet . Mind's still blank.

Project title : The Mind is The Journey

Sighs .. But, Sabrina already had an idea what she wants to do . She's a quick thinker. =O ! Well, O still have my 3D to fret about ! sobs .. I have not shown my lecturer my mock up yet . what should I do .. dumb me .. serve me right for taking changi airport. =.=" Hais .. But I've decided to use acrylic and wood. Other materials I'm considering is clay/plasticine , cloth, metal. Seems hard to do up arhs.. cham.. =3 ! Alrighty.. Shall end here. (: I'm tired..

Bu-tong Bu-tong to my bed ! As if I could right now. =.= Guess gonna sleep late.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

Monday, October 6, 2008 Y 10:39 PM

061008 :

Today, I wasn't feeling well but I decided to go to school still . I was feeling nauseous and weak . My left eye hurts . Probably got hit by mum while sleeping .

Anyways, I tried to tolerate the terrible feeling I was going through, but to no avail. I had no choice but to alight halfway through my journey to school, at the Eunos mrt. I squeezed through the crowds with might. Weak, i tried my best to focus, to get home asap. I didn't want to faint in the public.

I board a cab home, it costs $8. =\ Kind of Expensive, but no choice.

Feeling terrible I knew I couldn't hold any longer. I knelt beside the drain just outside my unit. I had no strength to open the door. I felt like puking, but nothing came out. It was terrible. Awhile later when I felt I had enough strength to open the door, I forced myself to do so. I was all drained of energy when I got to the bed . Sweating .. Cold sweat .

All the while, I couldn't breathe well, I was gasping for breath. sighs .. I puked a few times .. it was horrible. I hate it . There's this yucky bitter taste whenever I puke. Well, I can remember its yellow .. perhaps the gastric juice or something . not sure .. and some solid stuff .. =\ I rested on the bed, woke at 2+pm .

Mum went out to do some stuff for sis . But had ordered me to stay at home and wait for her home to bring me to a doc. By the time she did, it was already evening. But I went on my own, only to realise the 2 clinics nearby my house isn't open. I had to wait till 7pm ..

Well, to cut everything short .. the doctor said it was due to fatigue.

mehs..

Sighs, I didn't attend school last thursday cause I fell down the stairs on wednesday night. Hurt myself. And today I didn't go again because I wasn't feeling well. A little angry at myself. =( ! Well, watching anime now. :x [ Kamichama Karin ] hahas. kind of cute. =p ! well, I'll just end here. (: take cares.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..

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I Love

❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!

My Cravings

-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
-[ ]Health, Happiness & Safety to all my loved ones.
-[x]Danboard
-[ ]Chinchilla + Cooler
-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
-[ ]Connie Talbot 'Over the Rainbow' CD
-[ ]Wallet/Purse & watch
-[ ]clothes, clothes, clothes!

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