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Tuesday, July 14, 2009 Y 12:29 PM


14o7o9:

I hate the fact I'm born into this family, I hate the fact I exist. 我讨厌她！It is so fking obvious she's biased. What am I to her? I was never something. I'm just a piece of floating wood on the sea she held on to when the boat sink. A piece of wood she would dump aside when it's of no use to her. 对她来说，我的存在一点意义也没有。

There are so many things I do not wish to talk about here, but proves in my eyes that she's bias. I'm not spouting nonsense so don't tell me she loves me. The things they said will NEVER, NEVER be erased from my memory. The pain and tears I had every night will never be forgotten.

What's the point of celebrating your 21st birthday when there's no freedom to talk about. I'm sick and tired of life, I wish I'm dead. The every moment I exist, every minute I'm in this house, brings nothing but pain.

I'm trying to cling on, to struggle and live on. But she's making life difficult for me. Why am I like a caged bird, with no freedom to talk about. I hate the way she treats me and my sister so differently. I was never like her, nowhere close. But why, doesn't she control my sis more as compared to me. I never smoked, never an 'ahlian', never went clubbing, never left house before.. I'm just a 乖乖女。Since young, when my mum always cane me, I would just stand there like a dumb fk and let her cane. My sis would always run. WHY.

All I wanted was the same treatment she gave my sis. I hate life. It hurts when people around me lives happily with their family, yet im living in pain. I was never anything to them. They do not even care about me.

I ate not even lick the D24 durian daddy bought home, cos I was having tummyache.. yet dad gave it my cousins and granny. Everything. Not even a bit left. I'm not being selfish, I'm not greedy over the durians. But I see those, as love. I was happy they bought it home, thinking it was for me.

Behind my silence, lays nothing but unhappiness. There are many things I kept only to myself. I tried to disguise my unhappiness with smiles.

When I lose control of myself, it would be the point of time in life I'm not myself anymore. I've been trying to tolerate everything.. keeping everything to myself. Don't push me to the point I choose to suicide.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._Photobucket_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ




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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..



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I Love

❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!


My Cravings

-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
-[ ]Health, Happiness & Safety to all my loved ones.
-[x]Danboard
-[ ]Chinchilla + Cooler
-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
-[ ]Connie Talbot 'Over the Rainbow' CD
-[ ]Wallet/Purse & watch
-[ ]clothes, clothes, clothes!

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