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Wednesday, September 2, 2009 Y 8:03 PM


- if you hated emo posts, dont continue reading. -

2 Sep 2009 :

Went to school for discussion on tml's presentation on Incunabula. Arghhs. It's a tough topic for me, I don't quite understand it. Didn't have enough sleep, rushed to school but ended up reaching first. Made sandwich for breakfast, ate it on the way to school.

I was actually worn out but I kept it to myself. Ate duck rice nearby, it was quite a big plate and I managed to finished it all ! Considered quite cheap too ! HeeHees !

When we were finally done with discussion, it was already in the evening. Met Aaron for dinner and walked around. Nothing much. Dar was not there. He said he couldn't come. I was disappointed, very.

I know he wants to save money for my birthday present and chalet, but I've already told him .. there's no need for presents. There is no need to save money to a state like this. I'm aware that he isn't keen on this chalet, perhaps .. I shouldn't have a chalet for my 21st. I'm starting to regret it, perhaps I should have just stayed at home. Thou it would be a good opportunity for grandma to stay over at the chalet and admire the scenery there. I think its a pretty good idea for her, instead of cooping at home.

There is just too many stuff I'm worried and troubled over. I'm sick and tired. At times, I would have the impulsiveness to break up. About to break down, I know he has his reasons for not being able to meet up, but I just can't endure any more of it any longer. There is nothing I look forward to at school, apart from thursdays where I get to see WanRu, Spencer and Joy.

Everytime I would get so disappointed when he sms-ed me informing me he couldn't meet. How long more could I hang on to this relationship? Every single thing is draining my life away, bit by bit .. Be it relationship, school, family or myself.

I'm having a tough time, trying to tell myself I have to hang on to life, I can't just die yet. Those excuses or reasons I tell myself over and over again.

No one seems to understand me at all. Not my family, neither others. It's not going to work, telling me how much loved ones would hurt and miss me if I were gone. Sometimes it just hurt far too much, my thoughts would always run wild. I would always think of inflicting pain on myself.

Yes, that's the shocking truth perhaps most of you don't know about me. I'm under depression. I would use pain as a way, to numb the pain I'm going through spiritually or emotionally. Thats ME.

The real me, will never surface for it scars far too deep to heal. Like I've said before, I hated my existance. Won't it be better if I could give my life to people who needed it more? I'd be more than willing. But what would come to of my parents?

Her pain, her tears, her sufferings and her slient rants .. no one seem to notice.. she's struggling for survival. Her tears, no one to wipe it off for her.. 我真的活到很辛苦。

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._Photobucket_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ




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Me


Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..



MusicPlaylist
Music Playlist at MixPod.com


I Love

❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!


My Cravings

-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
-[ ]Health, Happiness & Safety to all my loved ones.
-[x]Danboard
-[ ]Chinchilla + Cooler
-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
-[ ]Connie Talbot 'Over the Rainbow' CD
-[ ]Wallet/Purse & watch
-[ ]clothes, clothes, clothes!

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HuiNee
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