♥ Be Happy

Monday, October 19, 2009 Y 12:59 AM

19 Oct 2009 :

I know, I'm in the wrong. But, I'll never forgive her. The words they said, never left my mind, never stopped stabbing my heart. It wasn't just once.

Recently, 我一直在哭。Yesterday, went to Dar's place late. Was supposed to celebrate his mum's bday.. felt guilty and sorry.. but I couldn't care less when I entered. I was emoing the whole journey there. The moment I entered his hse, I went straight to his room and cried at a corner, sitting on his bed.

The thoughts that filled my mind -; all she cared was herself. she did not even show concern whether I had my breakfast or not, till before I left the hse, when I opened the fridge to look for food. But it was too late isn't it. There she was giving me hell why I was being late to the "party"..

SHE FKING KNOW NOTHING AND ALL SHE DOES IS ALWAYS USE HER BLOODY MOUTH. 我就是这样的一个女孩，败她所刺！She was the one that "decided" this life for me. If, she does not have the ability to give love, care and concern to me, den don't even give birth to me. YES I FKING SAID THESE WORDS! IF SHE COULD SAY SHE REGRETTED MY EXISTANCE DEN WHY CANT I SAY THESE WORDS!

If she decided to give birth to me, then don't throw me to a nanny and I ended up being ill-treated. I was given little compared to what a normal baby should be given. My bones are smaller as compared to the rest of you. It was her that made my life hell. IF SHE FKING KNOW NOTHING DEN STFU! All she knows if to complain why I take cab all the time. Has she ever put herself into my shoes and think USING HER BRAIN AND HEART? NO SHE NEVER DID! All these years, ever since Pri 1, the stares and glares ppl gave, those insulting words ppl used on me .. it is something perhaps no one could have understood. None the NORMAL people could have understood.

I'm not normal. I was told by the doctor that there was something wrong with my bone structure. if i stretch my fingers straight tgt, my finger bends. Why am I like this ? All bcos of her. Perhaps, she never knew abt this.

Ppl would often tell me, why do u care so much about how ppl look at you, just live life happily and dont care about how they look at you. Do you think I wished to live miserably? Do you not think how much I yearned not to care too? But have any of you ever thought how much I suffered? I would keep silent if I was blind or deaf, but unfortunately I'm none of the above. I CAN HEAR AND SEE how ppl look and say about me.

It is obvious that she favours my sister to me. It is obvious that she's bias. Even dar realises so. My sister is not staying with us anymore currently, she's staying at her bf's hse. Sleeping with him in the same room every night. WHAT RIGHTS HAS MY MUM GOT TO SAY ANYTHING ABT MY LOVE LIFE WHEN SHE NEVER CARED FOR ME, WHEN SHE ACCEPTED WHAT MY SISTER DOES BUT NOT ME. WHY DO I SUFFER ALL THE "AFTER IMPACTS" OF WHAT MY SISTER DOES.

Dar was the one that was always there for me, not my mum. SHE HAS NO FKING RIGHTS TO ASK ME TO BREAK WITH HIM, GET THAT RIGHT. When I was afraid, when I was alone, he was here for me, accompanying me. NOW SHE BANNED HIM FROM MY HSE, insulting him. WHAT RIGHTS OF A MUM SHE HAS TO THAT? UNGRATEFUL BITCH. YES, I SAID THESE HARSH WORDS.

He might still not be matured for me yet, but he certainly loves and cares for me much more than my mum did.

我对这个家，绝望了。I will not go to granny's anymore on Sundays. I will attend those functions or stuff. Say whatever they/you want, but i'm not going, unless I change my mind.

I hate her, thats an undeniable FACT. I couldn't believe how selfish she was. All she thought was for herself. She doted on my sister bcos she felt that I would be useless when I grow up, that I couldn't provide for them when I grew up. When my sister MIA-ed, she was furious, she regretted. She told me they would have to depend on me. After my sis came back, she changed back. But look, does she come back every weekend ? I could feel her heart's not even here. When I called her on Saturday, asking her to check if ViCi needs anything for lunch or dinner, she was rude to me. ' WHAT? IM AT HOME! ' Like I owe her a living.

Hahaha. She could act very well in front of others. Like she doted on me. But it wasn't the first time, she was rude to me.

I hated the times I'm at home.

Sighs, perhaps I should just end here. Enough of my slient rants.

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

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