♥ Be Happy

Tuesday, December 22, 2009 Y 2:36 PM

22 Dec 2009 :

First, let me apologise for not blogging even though its holidays. Many things happened & I've lost the motivation to do things. As you can see, I'm not doing well.. Idk wads wrong but I seem to be having bad luck since idk when..

I broke off with mel some time ago.. the reason I gave was because of the objection from my family, relatives & friends.. The pressure was too much to handle. Like a rubberband snapped off, I kept it to myself .. but now, its too late.

Idk if he would be reading my blog anymore, but here, I would like to apologise.. I've not been a gd gf.. sorry.. sorry for causing you pain that I know sorry wouldnt cure.. I'm now with someone else, too soon to step in a relationship I realise. Because, all the while, I've been the same.. I wud jump into another relationship to try and forget the pain of the past.. it never worked.. I was a coward.. I couldn't face the reality..

How should I put this .. How can I even say it .. How can I even feel like this .. When we broke off, though I was the one who initiated a break up.. I was like one without soul .. I cried .. Unknowingly, I kept talking about him .. I thought about him .. I missed the times we were tgt .. when he decided to give up, knowing I accepted someone else, I felt pain ..But I couldn't tell .. I had to endure.. I tried to decieve myself that it would be over soon.. I thought I didn't love him anymore.. Why was it that I felt a stab of pain when he showed me a girl's pic asking me if she's pretty .. He told me he might jio her .. after I asked further ..

I would be lying if I said I'm over him.. I would be lying if i said I'm fine.. perhaps I can't get over him.. Like A ship sinking to the bottom of the sea .. After we broke .. perhaps I needed time to heal .. so much so because I've never allowed myself the time to heal. Now that I'm wounded all over, I only have myself to blame.

I hated myself for being so silly.. for allowing them to affect me so easily. I know that they meant good.. I know what they see .. But he's not like that .. He's been very good to me.. really.. I was like a princess .. I used to be.. 为什么我要这么傻？这是我的人生，我的将来，我未来的幸福！就算对象真的很棒，但如果没了爱情，还是一样，痛苦。

现在的我，不知道为什么整天会因为芝麻绿豆的事而吵起来。I always try to give in .. But im tired.. I would unknowingly irritate him .. I couldnt explain myself .. I'm not good at expressing myself .. I would bottle it up.. sighs .. 要是有人问我 ‘你现在快乐吗？’ 我想我给不了一个答案。

I failed my year 2 sem 1 badly .. I'm struggling .. to stay afloat .. but it looks hard .. School's starting soon.. and I need to concentrate.. but how .. when I lost the motivation in life..

ღஜღ ¸.•*´`*-._

_.-*´`*•.¸ ღஜღ

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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..

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❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!

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-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
-[ ]Health, Happiness & Safety to all my loved ones.
-[x]Danboard
-[ ]Chinchilla + Cooler
-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
-[ ]Connie Talbot 'Over the Rainbow' CD
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