♥ Be Happy

Monday, January 18, 2010 Y 1:56 PM

I've changed my blog to http://hersilentrants.blogspot.com

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Friday, January 1, 2010 Y 5:04 PM

My family (: some were not present thou.

Granny when she's about to cut the cake. >.> weird.. xmas cake for her bdae..

Granny cutting the cake. With ppl around helping her its impossible to get a shot with only her and the cake. sorry.

Granny blowing the candles. nice shot ! :x

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009 Y 4:06 PM

30 Dec 2009 :

I didnt know today's 30th ! omgs.. I was still dreaming.. Bear pei me go print my resubmission de work so can hand up to YeeNoh.. thanks.. my neck hurts .. probably cos I didnt sleep well .. had trouble sleeping these days cos of my chest .. somewhat cant breathe..

perhaps, its too late.. mel got new stead le.. all i can do is wish them the best .. 其实，我从来没有放弃过。我只是不知道该怎么办。在挣扎.. 我还放不下他。，没有一天不思念这他。怀念着从前的点点滴滴 ... 想不到现在，是我，还不愿放手。但，一切都太迟了。他有了新地开始，我们各自都有了男女朋友。我只能怨自己，谁都不能怪。是我当初选择放弃，现在的我，只能把回忆好好的收藏起来。我后悔了。我曾经以为，我不再爱他，但现在一切都好像在告诉我，我还爱着他。

就算能在给我一次机会，我很想回到他身边，但是我该怎么办，怎么面对家人，怎么说服他们，怎么做 ... 我不想让奶奶操心。

I've lost interest in life, after I left him. Things changed. I was never who I used to be.. I used to be walking slowly back to who I should be.. He tried his best to make me happy.. Now, I'm better off dead. 我，一点也不开心。

还能说什么呢？一切都是我的错。

My neck hurts terribly I cant turn my head properly. ouch ! perhaps when everyone's celebrating the arrival of a new year, 2010.. I'd be alone .. Nevertheless, Happy New Year in advance. All the best of everything. (:

`❤ Ileana

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Monday, December 28, 2009 Y 11:01 PM

28 Dec 2009 :

When will troubles ever end ? I doubt it ever will .. why does my family have so much problem .. sobs .. headache .. sighs .. As usual, 我不快乐 ... the troubles are just like a snowball, that goes bigger when you roll..

I hate myself, for not being able to defend myself .. for letting others bully me.. and my family.. 为什么我做的，没人看得到.. 我好像选择把一切都唱在心里，不愿跟别人说。很多时候，我似乎变成一个哑巴。

I'm always alone at home, 好寂寞。我好希望，我也有个twin.. 这样，不需要说，也有人了解。

好想念和wanru谈心事的时候，我早已把她当成姐妹。她的人真的很好。

went to develop photos .. shall upload the photos other days.. ((: granny's 80th bdae .. heee..

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Friday, December 25, 2009 Y 1:30 PM

25 Dec 2009 :

I was supposed to be happy .. its xmas today .. but I'm not .. Ytd .. I went to get granny's pressie .. I put in a lot of effort .. hoping to get something of good use to granny .. I thought sweater was the right item .. but i neglected an important point .. that its granny's 80th bdae & a sweater is not appropriate.. bcos sweaters are needed for the old when they feel cold or when they're unwell ..

It was my own silly thinking that the sweater would bring her warmth.. I was stupid.. when I happily showed mum what I got for grandma ytd night, only to get her scoldings .. till now .. it was like a thousand needles stabbing me .. it waked me up .. why bother getting something for grandma when .. she would not appreciate .. when my meaning of the present would be distorted by others.. when theres no need for me to get something for her .. my aunt would settle everything..

Everytime I got chided by my mum, it was like I fell from the top of a building.. my hopes dashed .. I had nothing for grandma .. I definitely could not give her that sweater .. I wasted my time searching for it .. how dumb can I be .. it meant a lot to me ..

It's xmas .. the worst I ever had .. not to mention what had happened .. I still had to think of a layout for my resubmission for typography.. ' Clarendon ' .. what layout could I do for Clarendon .. I had no idea .. seriously .. industrial typeface.. Old English .. Sighs ..

I'm like one without soul .. without will .. without motivation .. as good as dead .. I pretend to be alright .. but I'm not .. what that has happened has dealt me a serious blow.. a double perhaps ?

Incase, ppl complain its all text & "essays" in my entries .. here are some pictures ..

My character in OZ World Global.. Fishing in the snow..

thats me too ! (:

OZ hotel by ^TeNS|oN^ - very well done. this is only the top level.

lastly, devil panda fishing ! cute rights ! :D ~

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009 Y 2:36 PM

22 Dec 2009 :

First, let me apologise for not blogging even though its holidays. Many things happened & I've lost the motivation to do things. As you can see, I'm not doing well.. Idk wads wrong but I seem to be having bad luck since idk when..

I broke off with mel some time ago.. the reason I gave was because of the objection from my family, relatives & friends.. The pressure was too much to handle. Like a rubberband snapped off, I kept it to myself .. but now, its too late.

Idk if he would be reading my blog anymore, but here, I would like to apologise.. I've not been a gd gf.. sorry.. sorry for causing you pain that I know sorry wouldnt cure.. I'm now with someone else, too soon to step in a relationship I realise. Because, all the while, I've been the same.. I wud jump into another relationship to try and forget the pain of the past.. it never worked.. I was a coward.. I couldn't face the reality..

How should I put this .. How can I even say it .. How can I even feel like this .. When we broke off, though I was the one who initiated a break up.. I was like one without soul .. I cried .. Unknowingly, I kept talking about him .. I thought about him .. I missed the times we were tgt .. when he decided to give up, knowing I accepted someone else, I felt pain ..But I couldn't tell .. I had to endure.. I tried to decieve myself that it would be over soon.. I thought I didn't love him anymore.. Why was it that I felt a stab of pain when he showed me a girl's pic asking me if she's pretty .. He told me he might jio her .. after I asked further ..

I would be lying if I said I'm over him.. I would be lying if i said I'm fine.. perhaps I can't get over him.. Like A ship sinking to the bottom of the sea .. After we broke .. perhaps I needed time to heal .. so much so because I've never allowed myself the time to heal. Now that I'm wounded all over, I only have myself to blame.

I hated myself for being so silly.. for allowing them to affect me so easily. I know that they meant good.. I know what they see .. But he's not like that .. He's been very good to me.. really.. I was like a princess .. I used to be.. 为什么我要这么傻？这是我的人生，我的将来，我未来的幸福！就算对象真的很棒，但如果没了爱情，还是一样，痛苦。

现在的我，不知道为什么整天会因为芝麻绿豆的事而吵起来。I always try to give in .. But im tired.. I would unknowingly irritate him .. I couldnt explain myself .. I'm not good at expressing myself .. I would bottle it up.. sighs .. 要是有人问我 ‘你现在快乐吗？’ 我想我给不了一个答案。

I failed my year 2 sem 1 badly .. I'm struggling .. to stay afloat .. but it looks hard .. School's starting soon.. and I need to concentrate.. but how .. when I lost the motivation in life..

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Monday, November 23, 2009 Y 9:13 PM

23 Nov 2009:

Guess what .. The chalet's Operations Manager told us that they would close the case ! HEEHEES! Guess they realised that they have too many problems internally. ;) !

But they told us to advise Aaron to be more tolerant in matters like this for his benefit in future. Because they are Civil Servants, whom represent the govt. yeaps.. I understand that Aaron is a lil hot headed but i hope he can try to curb his temper in situations like that.. hope he understands my intentions.. ;) !

No more fever today, HURRAYS! But, i'm still coughing.. bleahs ! Yeahs.. tried cough medicine like the chinese pi pa gao, my mum's cough med & woods cough syrup.. but not much help. awws.. what if im in risk of getting h1n1? omgs.. hahas.. mabbe i'm just scaring myself.. o.o"

Actually, it's terrible to fall ill. I never had this feeling before, when all you could do is lie on the bed and sleep almost 24 hours.. when you have to use up your strength just to try and sit up on the bed.. when you had no appetite and there's so many food out there you're tempted to DEVOUR.. when you keep coughing and no1 dares to sit near you.. when you're self-conscious that you're spreading germs/bacteria around you. SOBS !

I enjoyed listening to music, while on transport, somewhat.. it makes me more relaxed.. My mind would ponder about the problems that made me perplexed.

我不知道该如何做选择。因为，不管选哪一边，都会有人受伤。该怎么办？两边都有他们各自的优点和缺点。y俄许我再逃避，因为我真的做不出选择。 or perhaps, dont make a decision, don't choose either of them.

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Her name's ileana.

Desended to Earth on 17 Nov 1988.

Currently Schooling at Nayang Academy of Fine Arts ..

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I Love

❥ My Beloved Hamsters(DaiDai&ShaSha, DanDan) & Doggy (Marco).

❥ All my friends who have always been by my side.

❥ My family & Grandma.

❥ Him; My Prince!

My Cravings

-[ ]Gain Weight - 1o KG
-[ ]Health, Happiness & Safety to all my loved ones.
-[x]Danboard
-[ ]Chinchilla + Cooler
-[x]Nokia XpressMusic 5350 touchphone
-[ ]Be Myself; confident, courageous, cheerful.
-[ ]Learn dancing, piano.
-[ ]Connie Talbot 'Over the Rainbow' CD
-[ ]Wallet/Purse & watch
-[ ]clothes, clothes, clothes!

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